lights…camera…oh, fuck it.

it saddens me greatly that, since i moved to this new server, the number of people who found my site by searching for bangladeshi prostitute porn and sister-in-law sex stories has gone down to zero. hmm. perhaps i should repost the explicit posts here, eh? no? all right.

i was in a creative mood this evening, so i figured i would make a movie about the city i live in. it would be a fantastic voyage through the city, and would be sad, funny and endearing at the same time – a coming of age movie that would win me every single oscar award for the rest of human existence.

unfortunately, i soon encountered a problem. this problem is not related to the fact that i am too a.d.d. and or not talented enough to actually sit down and write something that anyone in their right minds, even me, would ever turn into a movie. that problem was quickly overcome by the realization that james cameron is still alive, and if he could turn a load of tripe like titanic into a multimillion dollar affair that teenage girls watched thirteen times, he could repeat the feat and do the same with the load of tripe i was planning to write anyway.

no. the first stumbling block that, to tell the truth, i’m still stuck at, is the title of the movie. it made me realize that “dhaka” is not really the best name for a city that i plan to immortalize on the silver screen.

i’m sure there’s a really good reason that the city is called dhaka. however, it’s completely irrelevant. some nazi websites still list the city as “dacca”, which is even worse. to me, dacca sounds like a cricket field somewhere in australia or south africa, or something a tajik would call his cat. dhaka, meanwhile, besides boasting a wider use of consonants, unfortunately can be translated (loosely) to the bengali word for “covered”, the swahili word for “shithole”, and the ancient greek word for “where the fuck?”.

meanwhile, towns and cities in the u.s. boast names (or do so in hollywood movies) that makes people want to make movies about the towns, no matter how large the redneck population is. someone tried to make me watch a chick flick named “hope springs”, and, before i shot him, i found out that the title of the movie is the name of the town where the events take place. i’m sure that, if one looked hard enough in the united states, one could find a timbuctoo, a dickweed and a pussygalore, and perhaps all three in the same state (most probably idaho). now, those are names that one could possibly inspire one to make a movie. dhaka, however…ho hum.

now i’m not advocating the changing of the name of the whole city. that would probably confuse the heck out of people. but maybe changing the names of the areas could be a solution.

for example, i live in a place called mohammadpur.

zzzzzzzzzzzz.

for the atheists/non-muslims/under-a-rock dwellers out there, that’s the equivalent of jesusville or mosesburg. and, last time i checked – actually, the last time the home minister opened his mouth – we were a moderate secular muslim democracy, with no fundamentalists anywhere at all. ever. then why do i have to live in a place that is named after a muslim prophet? i protest, for all the good that’ll do.

i would suggest that our city planners sit down and listen to some r.e.m. for about twenty hours, and then set out to rename parts of the city. i want to be able to get in a cab at, say, moral kiosk, and go all the way to kohoutek, via harborcoat, windout, and swan swan h, taking lightin’ hopkins road and rotary ten. of course, all taxi drivers would be called driver 8s, and the taxis themselves would be called hairshirts, and instead of paying fares, i would just tell the taxi driver, “you are the everything”. and everybody would be shiny, happy people, listening to radio free europe, walking around in the so. central rain, and talking about the passion.

sigh.

sometimes the world is just so much better inside my head.

p.s. the name of this site is in no way, shape or form related to the r.e.m. piece of crap called “electron blue” off their new piece of crap album “around the sun” (in fact, the album was so bad that the name refers to the only place in the universe that this album should be exiled to, for the safety and sanctity of the human race). i adopted the pseudonym electrikblues back in 1999, so they probably stole it from me. fuckers.

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~ by eLeCtRiKbLuEs on August 19, 2005.

3 Responses to “lights…camera…oh, fuck it.”

  1. […] Finally a person who puts words on what is burning inside me. His whole article is really worth reading and contains the minimum amount of angry words required to shake up the speeping readers somewhat. I just want to cite the first paragraph to make you read on: […]

  2. […] Bongo Vongo believes this to be the work of fascists. Rezwan asks pertinent questions and attempts to find some answers. ElectrikBlues writes an open letter to all Bangladeshis and asks: a terrorist attack that involves the explosion of over 500 bombs is an endeavor that requires the involvement of at least 2000 people. chances are, you know someone who was involved in the planning and implementation of this attack. wife, brother, sister, husband, son or cousin – you definitely know someone who had a role to play. the question is not why they did it, but rather why they did it. […]

  3. Brilliant- Now to start up a circulation of this column which might perhaps elicit a response from the nonchalant government, the whiny opposition, the sleeping police forces and media and perhaps yield some much needed action!
    According to The Yearbook compiled by the Economist (2004-05), Bangladesh emerged as the most corrupt country in the world (not sure how they compiled it- I was more interested in the results rather than investigate whether the World Bank alone had a hand in the compilation of those stats)- Perhaps all the elements that you mentioned have a role to play in Bangladesh leading that particularly dubious hall of fame.

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